I worry, I weigh three times my body
I worry, I throw my fear around
But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

This is my window to the world,
and i can see heros rise and fall.

Victoria

seventeen
the quiet things that no one knows
skribblezndoodlez@hotmail.com

the Used
story of the Year
matchbook Romance
the click Five
jimmy eat World
all American Rejects
the Veronicas
skye Sweetnam
lisa Loeb

Saturday, April 30, 2005
cupid

cupid dont f*ck wit' me. are you telling me this is a sign?

i feel like a silly fool-playing this silly waiting game. guys can be SO blind sometimes. ..i mean-how hard can IM-ing be.

lol. i take that back-this guy's pretty smart. and funny. or maybe it's the limerence talking.

limerence.
twisted taste: sesame snaps
Mood music: ooh ahh-tamara

*shy that way

Friday, April 29, 2005
not good enough

try swallowing your tears everytime you want to cry, so it's technically called emotional/internal crying...which is alot worse than physical crying. at least the salty tears can evaporate and take with it some pain. alot don't see it. alot dont know-because i don't let you. the good thing about not having many people read this is that i can finally say what i feel-after a whole day of hiding, i can cry here. this house isn't a home-not when you're afraid of going home, and when you're stressed everything you're at home, when all you can imagine is what the next fight/mean comment/insult will be. it is not a home-homes make people feel comforted. you dont feel like an animal being watched all the time-for something you didn't do, or something not qite up to standard. animals get hit when they aren't as perfect as their trainers want them to be. therefore i should as well. that's what you tell me-that's what i feel. and even if it's not physical, it's emotional. emotional punishment. you're lucky. you get to leave as and when you like, come back to this house as and when you like. scream at me when you're having a bad day. unfortunately-i don't. and i'm not allowed to wallow in self-pity. the many unwritten rules in this place is worse than school rules-at least it's in black and white. so if i forget, i can look it up again, recheck my handbook. but this time, i can't. there's nothing to refer to. just rule after rule.

twisted taste: tears
Mood music: when the rain falls

*shy that way

someday

Someday, Someday"
So we've already established the fact thatthings are gonna be different in the future baby.
And you've reiterated the fact that you don't want to get into something that's just gonna have to end later.
Now I know our lives are changing and I've seen it coming for a while too, don't get me wrong.
And I've been going outta town baby it's gonna happen more,
we gotta be strong but now
While I'm gone

Just be a fly on the wall
You knowI'm thinking about you
Just wait and see
You gotta hear what I say
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away
Someday, someday
I will be here babe
Someday, someday
I will be the one babe
Someday, someday
I will be here babe
Someday, someday
I will be the one babe
I know you gotta go to university and I'm just trying to make some cash to follow my dreams.
But please don't say we're too busy to give each other the time and support we need
I know we gotta work our jobs and make some money to get by in this expensive world.
Don't let that overtake the fact that before all that, you were still my girl.
While I'm goneJust be a fly on the wall
You knowI'm talking about you
Just wait and see
You gotta hear what I say
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away
Someday, someday
I will be here babe
Someday, someday
I will be the one babe
Someday, someday
I will be here babe
Someday, someday
I will be the one babe

wont you just dieee if someone sang it to you.
twisted taste: chocolate hedgehog
Mood music: someday someday-thirsty merc

*shy that way

falling

my eye keeps twitching. i am very a-nnoyed. anyway! i love friday. you know why? BECAUSE I DO!!! hehehe. friidaayyyy...tgif!lalalaaa.
i hate my twitching eye. went to watch frankenstein with the crew today. hahaha, soo dull but the puppeteering was seriously-woooaaahh. i was totally impressed. oh! more random stuff...i love sesame snaps. and I HAVE AN ESSAY TO DO. on caesar. see, i liked him so much more when he was a yummy salad. with bacon and croutons and lettuce...yumyumyum. oh! i ate up my entire chocolate cake-so moist with a whole bar of cadbury milk choc drizzled on the top. ooooh, and when it's warmed up, the choc bits in the cake melts...so does the icing. please let me die! heheh
oh-i MUST go to bed. seeee yous!

twisted taste: chocolate toffee
Mood music: falling-alicia keys

*shy that way

Wednesday, April 27, 2005
homeomemee

I WANNA GO HOMEOMEMEE. or my mommy can come. i want my mommmmy! *cries*

all the lucky people who are going back. i hate you right now.

twisted taste: nothing
Mood music: bootylicious-destinys child

*shy that way

Monday, April 25, 2005
schooool!

heyheyy. todays anzac day-for those who didnt know. anyway, i was supposed to go chillout at a picnic at carlton gardens with the crew, namely the tastebuddies. but! the tram system was all complicated coz of the public hol and it took like forever for me to get to chapel to find out that coles only opens at 1pm so hah! so much for choc chip cookies eh. so like, i ended up not going for the picnic coz i was so lazy to wait 1/2 hr for the tram, so i baked a choc cake at home. i am impressed, except i kinda screwed up the frosting.so i'll fix it later. how wrong can cadbury go? lol.

oh, interesting fact (ok, more like gossip) lindsay lohan is aneroxic. lol. it was splashed all over the tabloids today. but good for her, i mean she DID say that she liked the model-thin look. lol. arent you HAPPY for her? lol

oh well, i bought tonstonstons of groceries today. that was so random. anyway, i feeeel deprived of cd-buying. i really want some cds and i can't get them coz everything's expensive. and! i wanna watch house of wax. JUST BECAUSE...chad and jared are in it! whoohoo.and apparently, paris dies. goooodie.=)

will smith is sexy.
pharrell is sexy
yummy

twisted taste: water.
Mood music: hollerback-gwen stefani & switch-will smith

*shy that way

Sunday, April 24, 2005
lyrics

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?
Where's she from?
No she can't be the one
That you want
That has stolen my world
It's not real, it's not right
It's my day, it's my night
By the way
Who's that girl living my life?
Oh no, living my life

Seems like everything's the same around me
When I look again and everything has changed
I'm not dreaming so I don't know why
I don't know whyI don't know why
She's everywhere I wanna be

Something i never had

Am I a shadow on your wall
am I anything at all
anything to you
am I a secret that you keep
do you dream me while your sleeping after all
Some day I just keep pretending
that you'll say
dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
and I can't keep something that I never had
That I never had
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
and I can't keep something that I never had

twisted taste: scorched almonds
Mood music: broken by you -jordan knight

*shy that way

boys

heyheyy. it's sunday! which is good considering the fact that i have school soon. i swear i havent morphed into some weirdo who LOVES school, but u have to realize, that this minimallist living in aust has basically led me to being extremely BORED at home. to the very big fat extent that i'm dancing to 1,2 step and wearing my fedora. lol.funnny sight! i am bored.

oh well, you know, i realized the music here is like, really backdated.i mean come on, ciara's 1,2 step is like.old! and so's beautiful soul. it's like. so yester year. know what i mean? lol. sometimes i wonder if im listenin to like, music that was played 4 weeks ago in sg. tres triste.

i think i have to go grocery shopping soon-we're out of groceries! (duh!) no meat left no veg cept er..one carrot? ooh great. now we wont die of starvation! hehh. ooh, the picnic tomorrow-can't wait. lol.actually i can. i still haven't gotten round to baking the choc chip cookies yet.

i wanna go watch greeeaasseee!! and dirty dancing.(this is so random) WHY AM I BROKE?! oh, and i want to go for the destiny's child concert! which reminds me-i should get round to begging my sister to go with me since no one else i know is interested. why! everyone was so hyped about avril lavigne (why's that?) and NOT destiny's child?!?! This is so twisted. lets see: avril vs destiny's child! HELLO? the winner is PRETTY OBVIOUS! destiny's child! *goes ballistic*

oh i just realized, i gave my entry the title 'boys' and this has so got nohing to do with boys.lol. what in the world was i thinking? oh well. boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace... hehe. okay i was joking-though half of that poem is like true. i shan't offend the male population by being mean. guys just mean one thing for me-trouble. so therefore i shall stick to being fancyfree. (i still maintain that there is a difference in being interested and having a crush)

twisted taste: soy choc
Mood music: beautiful soul-jesse mccartney

*shy that way

Saturday, April 23, 2005
c.rush

crushes suck.

twisted taste: nothing
Mood music: lovers and friends

*shy that way

idiot

I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT. today i am empowered. vixen lipstick and now this. i am one brilliant girl.hehh. i'll keep believing that.

twisted taste: scorched choc almonds
Mood music: fox fm

*shy that way

Friday, April 22, 2005
could not ask for more

i just realized, that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how my day went, because i had an awesome day today, i did everything i was supposed to (in drama-heh), but i'm still sitting here alone, typing on my laptop. everyone's out, doing something-i feel like going out. lol, i know it's like 12.30am now. i have the weirdest cravings hey? lol. my life is so damn boring, and therefore i HAVE to go out tomorrow. who cares where, i need out! OUT I TELL YOU.see, i'm losing it.

i miss nisa. thanks for listening to me cry babe.=) you're like my right hand-terribly important. and crying in the middle of the street is so damn glam-heh, i know.

twisted taste: toothpaste (justbrushedmyteeth)
Mood music: i could not ask for more- edwin mccain

*shy that way

Thursday, April 21, 2005
what would it be

i paid my cooking class fees already. heh, i feeeeeeel the pain man, its really expensive. i went mad last night as baked double choc chip cookies at 11.45pm.haha, i had this insane craving and wanted a cookie so badly. anyway, just now i felt at peace, like a little sanctuary when i was singing loudly and alone at home. acapella. just random old songs i used to sing all the time. i feel like being a little girl again, but i dont want to go through primary school again. it takes a very strong person to go through it and right now, im too insecure to go through anything. i feel a little numb around people, a little distant. i dont mean to-i just dont know what im feeling now. and hurting myself doesnt help. i wish i could breakdown and. but i only cry when i miss home. which is constantly-on the inside. but i'm happy too, being here. can't i just be both?

twisted taste: choc chip cookies
Mood music: some song on the radio.

*shy that way

falling like rain

everyone says that when you're sad, and have problems, you should tell someone and not bottle it inside of you. see, i'd heed their advice, but the only problem is, no one's listening.

dizzydizzydizzy.

twisted taste: tears
Mood music: falling like rain-anthony callea

*shy that way

Monday, April 18, 2005
closest thing to crazy

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?

This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own...
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.
How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn for you?
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?

twisted taste: grapes
Mood music: closest thing to crazy-katie melua

*shy that way

Thursday, April 14, 2005

i bet you have no idea
BUT I FCUKING HATE YOU.

twisted taste: nothing
Mood music:nothing

*shy that way

pain

i am bloody pissed with my damn cursor on my laptop. god, just piss me off more-im pissed enough as it is. control vic, control. gah!
i feel like slapping you, to wake the hell up and to see how much you affect me. well, not much now anyway since whatever you say goes in one ear and out the other. im supposed to be bothered, but lately, it's like im immune or something be i can't care less. leave me alone, and i will. i do everything you ask me to, and i do things i dont have to. so leave me alone-you're pissing me off real bad. control vic...tolerate. ah damn, bite me.
anyway, i dont feel like doing any work now, i have zero motivation to study.heh, whats new? it's so nice and cold, and rainy...which means its a bad day to study-obviously. struggling,struggling...struggling. i hate math. now you know.=)
this entry is so random. lalalaaa...i think im just blogging for the sake of it. how pathetic. i have to get myself together.
til then.

twisted taste: apple juice
Mood music: bike scene by taking back sunday

*shy that way

Thursday, April 07, 2005
til you want me

im not in control
i cant figure this out
im so full of doubt

coz when i see you
i know, its like i just freeze
there's something about you
that makes me freeze

i miss home! i have countless cravings for food all at once, how brilliant is that. let's see, i want popiah, rojak, haemee, chicken rice, charsiew rice, ipoh horfun, duck rice, bak kut teh, my grandmother's meatballs and deep fried pork!!! this is so not good. I bet you're all hungry now. i shan't carry on then.
theres a whole pile of homework waiting to be done, but obviously, i havent got round to getting the motivation to do the work yet.haha, it's so nice and cold and snuggly...homework doesn't fit in. then again, if it were hot and like, stuffy, i wouldn't be stuffed about my homework either. haha, i just basically, HATE HOMEWORK. i feel like eating! i'm so hungry. went over to adelle's place yesterday and it was so cool coz her mom actually wrote out all the recipes for me! total sweetness!!! i was like 'thankyou!!!' practically bursting. hah. andd... i lovee her brother's car! IT'S YELLOW! haha, my sister used to laugh when i said i wanted a yellow car coz she'll be like, 'drive a taxi!' haha. EAT THAT! lol. it's a pretty swanky carr! wheee...=)
went out with trish yest too, it was funny, with me tottering in my heels and her court shoes.lol.how's the blisters trish? lol. anyways, we got a not-so-pleasant surprise coz we saw this extremely posuer cow at starbucks during our...rest-feet time. what's with the blonde hair? and! what's with your permanently-attached to head sunnies? he's from my school so yeah. i can't stand him.
oh well, i best be off! tooodles!

twisted taste: banana
Mood music: til you want me -diana degarmo

*shy that way

Tuesday, April 05, 2005
alone

i feel...
alone
alone
and more alone
bitter
bitter
and more bitter
hidden
unseen
invisible
tasteless
flaccid
melted
like snow on a summer's day

yup, snow on a summer's day.

twisted taste: almond cookies
Mood music: a very last moment in time

*shy that way

Friday, April 01, 2005
song lyrics

I'm someone filled with self-belief
And haunted by self-doubt
I've got all the answers
I've got nothing figured out
I like to be by myself
I hate to be alone
I'm up and I am down
But that's part of the thrill
Part of the plan
Part of all of the things I am
I'm a million contradictions
Sometimes I make no sense
Sometimes I'm perfect
Sometimes I'm a mess
Sometimes I'm not sure who I am

twisted taste: zilch
Mood music:zilch

*shy that way

i am

yes, after my incredibly long hiatus, i am back. i feel empowered today and so whatever happened this morning will no longer bug me like it did 10 minutes ago. it's quite easy, i realized, to crush a person's selfesteem whether it's shown on the person's face or not. but it's also easy to pick up the pieces so mend them back. which is what i did and then it all works out in the end and everything's fine and dandy. and possibly, a little more empowering than it was 10 minutes ago. possible. highly doubtful-but possible. i am alot of things you dont see, but it's terribly typical of me. i realized that i can;t possibly plonk myself inot a catagory of being.like im not a prep nor am i a rockchick.nor am i a girlygirl. i can be anything i want to be.
anyway, lets move on. its insanely hot out today and luckily my room keeps cool. no idea how or why but it does. thankgod. im officially on my break now! TWO WHOLE WEEKS. haha-love it! so yeah, lotsa time to explore the other little nooks and crannies of melbourne and maybe reinvent alot of how i view things as. it's time i started to anyway. oh well! you know im not someone who writes long entries so i'm signing off now.and hopefully i'll be back soon enough.
twisted taste: choc eclairs
Mood music:nothing

*shy that way