Sunday, October 30, 2005
dreaming.
you look at me, and i just diesunday. dreeeearrryyy. okay-it's probably only dreary BECAUSE i'm HOME and not doing ANYTHING fun. and all that i can think about is PLAYING when i KNOW that i'm probably better STUDYING.
it's never been me
to want this much
but with you,
i can't see-noise&kisses.theusedtheuseddtheuseddd.
it seems ten times harder concentrating knowing that everyone's out. you know-having fun, shopping, catching up, chatting...that kinda thing. where the kinda of thing like maths revision, memorising biology seem a little like a deadend. but i know i'll get more fulfilment out of THE LATTER. pfft.
choking on nothing but it's clear in my head i'm screaming for something.
onmyown.twisted taste: bread with jamm!
Mood music: first-lindsay lohan
*shy that way
Saturday, October 29, 2005
never knew
i never knew that fear and hate could be strong
all these whispers in the night
but still my heart is saying we were right.we still are.
Tired. suddenly maths and biology and media seem more daunting than ever. not knowing how to answer ONE question, feels as if everything will go downhill from there. climbing up is tiring sometimes.
but i've got you. do i?
sleep beckons.
we'd turn the darkness into light.twisted taste:
Mood music:if i never knew you-john secada & shanice
*shy that way
Friday, October 28, 2005
TASTEOFCHAOS
won't you think i'm pretty
when i'm standing top this bright lit city.TASTEOFCHAOS rocked. 'nuff said. i swear, headbanging for 3 solid hours is a surefire way to get a killer stiff neck. i was seriously in awe at all the wonderfully dressed punks. i like.=)
it's seriously fun-this aussie culture. for a moment in time, i wished so yearningly i was in a local school. just maybe...
hey guys-tim, ryan and brian. it was awesome to the max. every part of it. wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING else. *huggs.
I scored so hard i stopped your heart from beating.twisted taste:dinner
Mood music:the taste of ink-the used
*shy that way
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
when i found you
i started off awake today. lit lecture was good-glen is awfully talented. and i thought kenneth's role as Iago was truly awesome. i mean, it was simply-reading the lines in the text. but for someone who's had no preparation whatsoever, he did it really well, convincing even.
yes in you, i found the deepest love i knew
i believe, yes it's true
i found myself when i found you.i thought love was just the tingling on my skin. sat around at Borders today. Ryan and i were flipping through cookbooks, with me ooh-ing and aah-ing after every page. if i could, i would have a whole entire library made of cookbooks. hehe. the pretty kind, the kind that make you feel 'hey! i might just be able to make that!' the kind that makes you hungry even when you're stuffed to the brim. yes-
that kind.
Freddo is an
ugly frog. So he'd make a
handsome prince. hehe. but when i kissed him, he remained there-ugly. so, i
ate him up.
twisted taste: salmonnnnn.
Mood music: britney.
*shy that way
Monday, October 24, 2005
say something...=)
i don't care what they're saying
as long as...
i'm your girl.
i see the sunshine in the pouring rain.i love media lectures with mich. Today's was exceptionally funny. ah-dont you love a little secret note-passing session? we were scribbling away in chinese and english, substituting words we failed to remember with 'han yu pin yin'. not forgetting the constant eruptions of laughter and the snickering. i seriously wouldn't know what to do without you mich! yes...
pinkypromise.
i know i say i don't mind it. course i don't! well, okay sometimes i do. it wouldn't hurt to know where your heart lies. i know where it does-and i'm fine with it. then again, sometimes i'm not. but we've made it pretty clear hey?
close up these eyes, try not to cry
all that i've got to pull me through
is memories of you.twisted taste:pastaaa!
Mood music:you get me-michelle branch
*shy that way
Sunday, October 23, 2005
alot more
alot of times it seems life's terribly unfair. I mean, people seem to get a whole lot more than you do. then it's time you sit back and look around. and then soak up all the blessings around. and with each breath i take. i'm breathing in more of
you.silly girl-giving up so much more than she should. something about you makes me feelI quietly drowned in thoughts of nisa yesterday. the best friend. the one and only person who's pain i feel like my own. i love you so much more than i say. and i know you do too. and whatever we've both done, we'll never regret. whatever we've both said, we'll never look back. whatever it ever is, i've got your back. you made me cry, smiling.
stay a little longer,
move a little closer.
stay until you forget to leave.
when goodbye is too hard to say, stay.
twisted taste:lunch.
Mood music: why can't i-liz phair
*shy that way
Thursday, October 20, 2005
think of you
everyday, alone
i think of you.
all i want to know
is can i be with you tonight?oh yay! we finally have our drama story and script settled. I can't wait for the actualy rehearsals to begin. it'd be so much funner than sitting around thinking of some other better idea. braindrain.
It's good to feel contented. Situations could always be better. people could stay together for a little longer. but, the grass is always greener on the other side. I like being around you-still. I always do. =)and as much as you don't like seeing me frown. i don't either. so i guess we're quits. =) i know that you know that i know.
like rainbow candy in a jar
i miss you even when you're near
what's more- when you go so far?
twisted taste: dinner
Mood music: think of you-amerie
*shy that way
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
sisters.
today isn't about drama
not about biology and the human anatomy
not about the 2 oversized cookies i had
not about the red nailpolish
not about the 20 mins on the swing
it's about my little sister.
coz! i miss her.=) and i love her to itsybitsy pieces!
anddddd. i'd do anything for her!
twisted taste:chocolate milk
Mood music:nothing
*shy that way
Monday, October 17, 2005
stress.
stressed.
i need dessert. but i can't. oh blame the metabolic rate for that. blame the homework i have. blame the effing chores i have. yes-blame all of that.
i have this urge to say this.
fuck.
oh if only i could now say it out loud.
i wanna do that whole 'a cinderella story' scene where Sam moves out. and say NO.
NO-NO-NO.
but it's always 'no' in the mind but yes in actions.
twisted taste:dinner
Mood music: smoke + mirrors
*shy that way
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
hot out
To think i assumed it'd be cold-ish today. well, it's HOTOUT. and what am i doing wearing a vest wih a shirt.i have NO idea. hahaah, the dress now seemed like a much better option.
3 hours of sleep-good luck with me during biology lecture later. I mean, i regularly get 8 hours of sleep or a teensy bit less, and i'm STILL falling asleep during lecture. let's see how i survive with 3 hours of sleep.
what are the chances that i'm allergic to my red lipstick? 50%...it's beginning to feel a little...'hot' and tingley. hmm. It didn't really bug me the previous time. maybe i need more minutes to get used to it. just maybe.
Did something totally silly yesterday, i tried calling my dad in indonesia because i missed him and guess what! I couldn't. it just adds to the other 'little' things vic can't do. the others on the list include...winking and that finger-thing that aliens do. watchamacallit!
twisted taste: nothingg
Mood music: 1,2 step-ciara
*shy that way
Sunday, October 09, 2005
have u ever wondered?
Sometimes I can't seem to figure out if pride is a good thing or not. You know how everything is supposedly good in moderation? So I'm assuming it applies to this as well. I hate it when I'm stuck in a situation where I'm perceived as a damsel in distress. I've handled it pretty maturely. I've said my piece, its not my fault if I'm supposed to be upset because I'm not. allright, i won't lie and say I'm absolutely fine but I am surviving. I looked at a 4 year relationship that i admired. And i still crumble everytime i think about how it has ended. I wasn't in it, yet it scars me just as badly. Imagine if you were the 2 involved. I saw it as perfect. Silly as it sounds, where perfection is seemingly relative since, perfect to one could be flawed to another. It was sweet, bittersweet, lovinglysweet, painfullysweet, tearfullyloving, sacrificial even. Thinking about it could and is making me cry.
Dismiss this as me being overly emotional today. I apologize for the fact that the table is indeed covered in teardrops. But, i shall quote Szeyen, who once told me 'emotions are dangerous things-they have to be controlled' What if, just what if, they're impossible to control. Think about it, it's a whole lot easier to control ahunger craving if you thought about something else. Well for my case, it is. But when i think of you, and miss you. I find it so difficult to divert this emotion somewhere else because even as i'm dancing to Ciara or scribbling away in my diary, metaphorically (and quite possibly, literally), the heart still hurts. Even if in the tiniest of amounts, the fact is that, the emotion is still etched there, even if my brain is working on overdrive on a maths question.
could you find it in your heart, to make this go away, and let me rest in pieces.twisted taste: orange and poppyseed cookies covered in chocolate.
Mood music: and the hero will drown- soty
*shy that way
Saturday, October 08, 2005
we beg to feel
I know you want you hear me speak
But i'm afraid that if i start to, i'll never stop.
feeling a little blotchy today, a little tired. but i'm good=) i love you delle for being there. through the blotchiness. thankgod the tram wasn't crowded. else, it'd be worse! and to josh and mich for smiling to cheer me up! and trish for reminding me how much i love my family. and my best friend. for knowing and understanding and crying along with me. wahahah.,=P.
behind these hazel eyes is someone you'll never see
but she sees you. for who you are.
and...
twisted taste: lunch=)
Mood music: last flight out-Plus one
*shy that way
Thursday, October 06, 2005
pink
my left arm hurts. ouch.
but i guess it's what happens when you don't exercise in a LOONNNGGG time. hahah. gah. my face is itchy.
anyways, results. results. i don't like mine very much i guess. i mean, they're acceptable but yeah. we can't just settle for that hey?
ahh, i should study maths sooonish.=P. soon enough anyways.
orange&poppyseed cookies, covered in chocolate. yum!twisted taste: dinner!
Mood music: gather- fabolous
*shy that way
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
dinner
what do you get when you put
roy, tim and vic together?
lots and lots of laughter throughout an entire two and a half hour dinner. hahah. and it was AWESOME. lol. the three musketeers. heh
i had tons of fun guys. =) and ROY.i had an entree-not main. wahaha, looks like i don't get to be the first girl to order a main and FINISH it. hahaha. which is good.
school was fun-we watched a video on the evolution of WHALES during biology. i was SQUEALING. i love whales.=) *goes all mushy*
and i can't help myself i don't want anyone else.twisted taste: super fun dinnner
Mood music: nothing
*shy that way
cinderella
geng ye.
that's the word. funny how those two chinese characters express everything i'm feeling.
no longwinded sentences. 2 characters.
but it doesn't matter. because i'll never allow myself to show it. i can freaking be as broken up inside as a bottle smashed against a wall, but i'm still going to force myself to smile.if it's the last thing i do. it's a form of reverse psychology torture.
and i want it to hurt until i can't anymore. then i'll be ok.
i'm okay now.=)
and trust me when i say it. =)
to quote christina aguilera-strength is my mother, i'm ok.
twisted taste: nothing
Mood music: can't cry hard enough-bellefire
*shy that way
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
to skip or not to skip
one day, you'll see mebut only when you're dreaming!broken heart
you'd assume
tainted tear
evaporated fumes
no more lies
waiting for you
one last cry
happiness grew
one more gain
sunshine smile
find another grain
though it'll take awhile.
you don't make any sense, it's all at your expense anyway.=P
twisted taste: dinner!
Mood music: billy s by skye sweetnam
*shy that way
Monday, October 03, 2005
criedout
you never meant to make her daughter cry
and you've apologized a thrillion times.
twisted taste: nothingg
Mood music:ms jackson
*shy that way
Saturday, October 01, 2005
every inch of this city
I am so on the road to being a CHEFF! heehee
i have come up with 2 recipes-all by myself! =)
it's day 3 of my quest to master how to walk in heels. it bloody hurts! i shall not give up.but tomorrow, i shall take a break and walk in flats!=)
self-fulfilment. heh.
repeats to selfself-fulfilment.twisted taste: marshmallows covered in toasted coconut
Mood music: anthem of our dying day-soty
*shy that way
