Wednesday, November 30, 2005
if you knew
i wonder...if you would hold it against me if you knew.
i'm heavily broken and we're running out of time.twisted taste: dinner
Mood music: heavily broken-the veronicas
*shy that way
a part of you
firstly...
I LOVE CHERRIES. hahah.
yessss i dooooooooooooo. i feel so deprived and if not for mich's mom and ry's mom who so kindly buy me CHERRIES, i would have NO cherries and would therefore not realized how MUCH i LOVE them. heee.=)those red red cherries.
okay. now onto the serious stuff.
JOSHUA HUI YOU SUCK! =P. i know, so evil and blunt. COME ON-how can you BEAR to leave all of US? okay i know it's not your fault. the government's fault yes? okay, well do know that i am going to MISS YOU alot and HATE the FACT that there won't be ANYONE to GOSSIP with or RUBBISH with anymore. =( you're hardly gone and i miss you already. pfft. anddd for abandoning us, i get to be the hotter one.
but i really do thank you for everything. for being there, for not being there (so i learn by myself) for copying my bio notes for me so i can sleep during lecture. for always giving me your chips when you have fish and chips, for telling me i look bad when no one else does. hehh. for never letting me believe i'm worth less than dirt, for accepting the things that i LIKE even if you dont. =) and for being joshh. thankgodfortwins.=)
It's the hardest thing i'll ever have to do
to turn around and walk away, pretend that i don't love you.twisted taste: cherries!
Mood music: baby it's you-JoJo
*shy that way
Monday, November 28, 2005
please stop
Tired
Frustrated.
Why can't i just walk away.
leave.
end this.
right now.
please.
Stop this torture
of wishing,hoping,twisting,turning.
dying,living,waking,sleeping.
wanting, losing and finally, giving up.
crying.
pretending, loving, missing
needing.
that's what it is, just...
needing.twisted taste: water
Mood music: nobody wins-the veronicas
*shy that way
same problem
the same problem coming to haunt me again
and i know it's taking the best of my head
the same problem tears me to pieces inside
and i'm left to wonder-why?twisted taste:bread with jam and butter
Mood music: same problem-waking ashland
*shy that way
Sunday, November 27, 2005
alone with you
every now and then,
we find a special friend.
i'll make a wish for you.i'll give you the last one i have, just so you could see
a little more, a little deeper than me.
Met mich at state lib today. i was really glad she was there as well. that 20 mins at gloria jeans was indescribably comforting. thanks mich.
and there will always be brighter daysRyan, his mommy and me walked to fed square and whoohoo, there was a concert thingy there for Aids awareness or something like that and Axle was the host. haha i never know axle could sing.he's pretty darn good. we managed to catch 3 bands perform and apparently the concert had bee going on since 11am! it was super chilly but i liked it, as i lay on the warm stone ground, watching the darker clouds gather. the lights felt like stars and the cold wind against my cheeks felt like winter. the kind they show in the movies. Ryan didn't really get my 'light-as-stars' idea coz he just saw them as lights. pfft. But, the winter thingg...yeap, we both felt that and it was pretty darn awesome.
last sunday babe. last sunday.love is worth saving-but i've got no love.twisted taste: peanut candy
Mood music:nothing
*shy that way
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
dream away
i wanted to tell you that my heart's in your hands3 down-3 to go. well technically, EAP isnt really counted.its a waste of time for crying out loud.
i think i have trust issues.
hmm. i reckon it's got something to do with insecurity. oh what am i talking about-DUH it's got EVERYTHING to do with insecurity. get over it get over it get over it.
twisted taste: grapes
Mood music: a girl can dream
*shy that way
Sunday, November 20, 2005
rumours
i'm in love
with things you cannot buy
all for you-the one thing i know's true
all for you-take me.okay, five random things.
1) i'm get over excited when i hear thunder and lightning. and in australia, i LOVE to wake up to see the sunshine peeking through the blinds-then the next thought that hits me is I WANNA WEAR A SKIRT. hahah. random huh?=P
2) i like doing maths coz i can just keep going and going and the fact that there is an absolute answer and and absolute end (like, when you're done with one exercise ppr). i like definite things.i hate it when theres no plan. well, i like it when theres no plan but endless amount of time. but i hate it when i'm pressed for time and STILL NO PLAN. ahaha. bugs me til no end.
3) i secretly wish i were pretty! muaha. and a WHOLE lot slimmer. whahaah. omgg-i can't believe i just said that.but it's TRUE. okok..i shan't go on.
4) my black nail polish is chipping. i know-sad right. and everytime i look at them, i go 'oh, i should paint them' then i think. if it's chipped, where did the little bits go? INTO MY FOOD?!? so yeah.i'm beginning to think they might be dangerous.
5) my house is in a HUGE MESS. like a tornado sorta mess. coz we (me & dajie) are superdoooper stressed. so yess. poor us.=(
would you like to help me do my chores?was it fate that brought us here?cry just a little- when i think of you
die just a little-because i know the truth
breathe just a little-as i learn to let go
smile just a little-this pain must not grow
twisted taste:nothing
Mood music: rumours-waking ashland
*shy that way
Friday, November 18, 2005
paper heart
please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed.i am stressed. no-tired.no. i am...
hmm.i'll get back to you on that. i can't wait to go home. then this will all be just a chapter in the long book of my life yes? i mean, it's one of those things you'll look back and laugh.probably feel stupid for feeling so much. but then again, least it'll be worth a laugh.
it's all just be
a laugh.
and nothing more.=)
twisted taste:fried rice
Mood music: my paper heart-all american rejects
*shy that way
Thursday, November 17, 2005
dramaaaaa
goodluckbestiewithyourPCpaper.=) i love youuu.
anyways, drama today. pfft. scary stuff. not really looking forward to it coz then i can't run away halfway during studying and go 'oh, drama practice! got to run' muaha. oh the web of deceit...i love it when it works to my advantage, then again, who doesn't? i swear i smell like the seabreeze or something. but it doesnt smell good.muahaha. IT JUST DOESNT. have i told you how bad the air in melbourne is? let me tell you again-IT'S BAAAAAD.
wokies-'nuff said.=)
josh's parents are hereeeeeee. which i have no idea why im blogging about but, it's random info for the day. i swear, the exams are getting to my brain. but then again, i'm pretty rejunvenated since i DID finish an entire essay in an evening. =) i know right-HOWAWESOME IS THAT!?
oh well, i'm at the library now, waiting for the 2nd slot of drama to begin, watch the competition they say-i say free entertainment. haha. =)
i like the way you wanted me, every night for so long baby.twisted taste: brunchhh.
Mood music: the clicking of the stupid keyboard
*shy that way
Saturday, November 12, 2005
10 things i love
10 things i loveeeeeeeee...
1) MY LITTLE SISTER! heeee.
2) MY DAJIEEEE.
3) the market. =)
4) fresh food...those pretty apples and grapes and oooooh. can i buy them all?
5)shopping!
6)MY PARENTS. duh
7)POLKADOTS.
8)singing at the top of my lungs to silly happy music!
9)sunshine reflected from my cheeks into my eyes.
10)FOOOD.
twisted taste: fried rice.
Mood music: the bitch song- bowling for soup
*shy that way
Thursday, November 10, 2005
people that walk in
you know me, oh you think you do.you just don't seem to seei've been waiting all this time to be something i can't define.i've just gotta get myself over me.the people that make my day everyday:
fishieeeee, my twin!, delle and mich.
all you really need are a few good friends.jolynnn: i miss you cupcakeee.=)
bestie: you know where my heart is. you do.i love ya babe!
meizzabeizz: you weeetard.i heart youuuuu.
my day was allright. some people thrashed it and fed it to the dogs. some made me laugh til i ached. "TIM! your butt is so hot!" muahaha. fishie-i'm so teasing you about this for like, ever!
my last lit tutorial today. I've had many LAST tutorials this week, but, this one means alot to me. this last class. i love literature tutorials because it simply allows us to explore human emotion in a different perspective. half the time, people don't take me seriously and even if they do, i never get an answer that challenges me to THINK in a different way. otherwise, i just get dismissed and no one bothers. so lit really lets me get an answer to the questions that i have. and i love my friends in lit tutorial. mich (hehh, the PRIVATE joke about the 3/4 pants.muaha), tanuja (UNCLE TOBY'S!), zhenxi (and her running in 10 mins late...), renn (and the chewing gum!). yeah, the 4 girls (plus me, duh). the four of us.=)
twisted taste: fried rice!
Mood music: never get over you getting over me-bellefire
*shy that way
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
hurt somebody
how's a girl supposed to know?it seems particularly unfair right now.
and i
don't want to play anymore. so, it's time to call it quits beforeat i let this consume me.
staying away. avoiding. playing hide and seek. anything to call it quits. and dont think i'm doing it smiling.
i swear you'd be able to see the tears if you look hard enough. but you never do.
you don't have to look into my eyes to know how i'm feeling deep inside.
i'm dying to make you stay.
but what's the point of dying when you've already got one f'oot out the door and your back's to me. you're
going going and eventually...gone.
twisted taste: supper at nocturno
Mood music: breakdown-mariah carey
*shy that way
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
with you
i can let my hair down
i can say anything
i know you'll catch me right before i hit the ground
with you.so why does it hurt when it shldn't-at the back of my mind?
twisted taste: dinnerr
Mood music: with you-jessica simpson
*shy that way
Monday, November 07, 2005
i cant turn to you
everything is effed up straight from the hearttell me what do you do when it all falls apartgotta pick myself up where do i start coz i can't turn to you when it all falls apart.what do you do when there's so much to say. but all that you manage to choke out is hardly near to what you feel. no-this isn't me being dramatic though, hell, i wish it were just a case of over-sensitivity. it's raining outside now. and guess what, it's pouring in here too. my tee's soaked. how? in my midst of throwing a tantrum while preparing dinner, i spilt water all over myself. tell me this isn't happening. up to my throat in tears, all i want to really do is sceam. shout, lie on the bed, face down and breathe whatever oxygen that manages to make its way through my fat heavy self and the bedsheets. i am
disgusted. revolted with myself and...it's continually falling apart even further.
i need an intervention to stop temptation from screaming. pulling my hair out, scratching my face, hitting myself. but there's no one here. and it's my own fault. coz no one gets close enough. for that-i blame
you.twisted taste: nothing.
Mood music: when it all falls apart-the veronicas
*shy that way
Saturday, November 05, 2005
unfeeling
when there's too much to handle
and the only thing stopping your heart from bursting is the heart itself
then you know you need a break.
a good clean
final break.
final. finished.over.the end.
but i can't help myself. but no one else can either.
twisted taste: nothing
Mood music: nothing
*shy that way
Thursday, November 03, 2005
the girl
don't you get it?sigh.up and down. back and forth. left and right.
get a grip vic.
where do i start?siccccck.=( does that mean i'll be unfortunately unhappy tomorrow. prommmpromprom. so fast. too fast. TIME-SLOWDOWN. i have my reasons. it's not fair when all you wanted, smasked in your face. time&time again. don't you get it?
i put my faith in you, what a stupid thing to do.
everything is effed up straight from the heart.don't you get it?twisted taste: vitamin c
Mood music: everything i'm not-the veronicas
*shy that way
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
this is the end
i don't wanna pretend
so this is the end of you and me
because the girl that you want
she's tearing us apart.
because she's everything i'm not.
there comes a time. when you stop and think about how you really want your life to be. how you're living it right now. how you're feeling right now. how you're gonna feel tomorrow. how are you going to react?
then you start to cry a little. because you're tired and scared. stressed even. and you try screaming for help. try calling for help. but the phone numbers don't register and your mouth couldn't bear to whisper what you're feeling. so you're stuck-alone. dead silent even though the music's playing. more alone than usual, more paranoid even thought you pushed every shred of paranoia to the back of your mind. 'i don't care' but you know you do. 'i'm fine' but you know you're slightly under 'fine'. 'i can do this' you know you can-just not today.
and so you turn to maths. maths doesn't send your heart into turmoil. just your brain, but cells regenerate. emotions dont. and once all your emotions overwhelm you and drown you in your own tangled mess, you're dead. you're just eventually...
dead.
twisted taste: vitamin c
Mood music: everything i'm not- the veronicas
*shy that way
this wont last
we should have never let this gone so far.said you'd always be there. but you never really cared.i haven't been home for the past two days over. but it was fun-the stayovers and catching up with the girls! and everyone laughed when me and vee cried during In Her Shoes. hahah, it was SAD OKAY! i missed my sister!=(
watched The Locals at ryan's place. omggg. hahaha it was kinda freaky. like i screamed a few times and i cried! HELLO? the guy's best friend died=( needless to say, ryan laughed at me. pfft. guys.
two movies in one day. i could get used to this.
twisted taste: brekkie
Mood music:leave me alone-the veronicas
*shy that way
