Friday, March 31, 2006
if you were here
i would say this was unfair. terribly unreasonable. tiringly repetitive. it's always the same thing.
we'd fight and i'd wish for the worst sort of things to happen. just for revenge, or to let you feel bad, the same way i feel. to let you know that your laughter creeps up my back and i want nothing more to do with you. sometimes i wish i didn't mean it. but most of the time, i think i actually do.
it sounds like a case of anger management. i swear it isn't. im not angry. i'm merely unhappy. that's what i am. i don't know how it happened. i don't see how i can help it. i know i'll feel better tomorrow. that's what they all say. tomorrow's gonna be a fucking better day. but tomorrow doesn't take everything away. it just covers it all up. and no one talks about it. ever.
then the same cycle repeats itself and you're on the road to self destruction.
i've never thought of telling you i was tired.
can i just runaway?twisted taste: nothing
Mood music:nothing
*shy that way
Thursday, March 30, 2006
you and you and you and you
you know,
i'm on the brink of exhaustion.
i'm losing my voice
losing sleep, losing my head
ive got perpetual headaches
i've got crappy skin
i'm gaining weight from the irregular meals
i've got no social life
and i'm SICK AND TIRED OF REHEARSALS though i end up enjoying them.
BUT
i've got super super supportive friends.
veeeeee- thanks for being there FOR EVERYTHING. thankyouthankyouthankyou.I LOVE YOU!
anywaaysss. im happy that way. happy for having you guys around.=)
and now i need a good night's worth of SLEEP.
i dont have any fancy stories to tell you, but i'll be here to make you laugh.=)
twisted taste:chocolate cookie
Mood music:guang mang-FIR
*shy that way
Monday, March 27, 2006
12 days. twelve days. shi er tian. it's only been 12 days. hell, it felt longer than that.
12 days is 2 days short of half a month.
half a month. half a goddamn freaking month. and we're still counting.
i know, it could be the pms kicking in. it could be the stress of juggling and musical, my life, my chores, my homework and everyone/thing else in between. it could be the moon. but it's mostly me.
it's been awhile since i've given into the temptation of wallowing. easy does it yeah? thanks vee & jx for being absolutely awesome and understanding. and, to my favourite leo- i really appreciate everything. even though you're so far away. =)
it's so much easier being vulnerable.i fucking miss you. twisted taste:honey&lemon lozenges
Mood music: dou jiang you tiao-lin jun jie
*shy that way
Saturday, March 25, 2006
upside down
I don't understand why it has to be this bad.
it's not supposed to be like that. if it were, why didn't they tell me beforehand. but i'll keep lying.=)
it's only a matter of time. we'll see who's crying then.it's weird how the songs being shuffled around in my playlist is perfectly befitting of my mood. it's like, of all songs to play, it ends up playing some song that just ruins everything. everyeveryeverything.every thing.
i won't look down when you walk away. twisted taste: grapes
Mood music:feng-jay chou
*shy that way
vicc.
you are so dead.
so so so completely dead.
have i mentioned that you're so dead?
twisted taste:nothing
Mood music:nothing
*shy that way
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
cinderella
Cinderella
She had laughs with her friends
But she waited for him
She had love from her family
But she waited for him
He gave her a handful of tears
Still she waited for him
He gave her hugs but no kisses
Still she waited for him
Cinderella, oh Cinderella
When will you realize
They lie. Oh yes they do.
Dancing with another princess
While you sit here feeling blue
Promised to be right back
So she waited for him
Promised to see her soon
So she waited for him
Made her believe he was unlike the rest
And she waited for him
Made her believe their love was true
And she waited for him
Cinderella, oh Cinderella
When will you realize
They lie. Oh yes they do.
Now you lay here dead
Still you’re waiting for someone you never knew
twisted taste:nothing
Mood music:hands on deck-waking ashland
*shy that way
anticipating
I'll be anticipating
this is our song they're playing.
i wanna rock with you.=)i am so so so tired. rehearsals, every single day. plus, school and essays and all the stuff in between. grrr.
oh well. thankgod the thing is ending soon. THANKGOD. i can't wait for it to end, as bad as it may sound. I just, miss having dinner at home and having a social life. im sure everyone does too. SIGH.
hurryhurryhurry.
twisted taste: baby spinach
Mood music:anticipating-britney spears
*shy that way
Monday, March 20, 2006
window shopping
I AM STRESSED.
but who cares, it's just work. theyre always gonna be around. it's this agonizing wait that's got me all tangled. i hate waiting...
have i already said that? let me repeat my point.
I HATE WAITING. so won't the phone JUST RING?
hee. okay fine. i promise promise promise i won't whine if it just rings.
Done my PNA (personal narrative account) and i'm quite proud of it. well, for a first attempt, it isn't as droning and immature as i seem. hahah. i'm pretty satisfied with it now. so next up, it's that stupid politics essay. grr. OH AND THE COMPUTING THINGY. grrrr. where's adelle when i need her computer.=P i know that sounds so bad. haha. anyways, i'm gonna go bask around in the good and happy mood of my sister. whooopdeedoo.
you know i still miss you!twisted taste:nutella by the SPOONFUL
Mood music: window shopping-lisa loeb
*shy that way
Saturday, March 18, 2006
all my girls!
LAST NIGHT was. the WORST night ever.
but it sorta became like the bestest!=)
ohohoh, i have a crush. a big fat crush. *grinswidely* i knowwwwwww *squeals* this is so fun.=)
oh! AND IM SO SORRY vee,slings&liz for making you guys run around looking for shane. hahahaha. love you guyss!
*hugsss* fishie for listening to me rant. whooopdeedooo. i will tell you ALL about last night... heeee. cant wait!
twisted taste: nothing
Mood music: L.O.V.E-ashlee simpson
*shy that way
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Which of the bold face lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy
You really deserve it
This will be best for us both in the end
But your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And i starve
I starve for you
But this new diets liquid
And dulling to the senses
And its crude
But it will do
Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you
I've just been so busy
We'll catch up soon
Lets make it a point to
But your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And i starve
I starve for you
But this new diets liquid
And dulling to the senses
And its crude
But it will do
could you find it in your heart, to make this go away, and let me rest in pieces.twisted taste: m&ms
Mood music: nothing
*shy that way
i just took piriton to help me fall asleeeeep.dont want to go for lecture with eyebags tomorrow. not like i don't have them already.
okay. I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS.
ooooh. here goes. TAKING BACK SUNDAY IS UNDOUBTEDLY...the bestest best in the world. hehe. omg, i swear i hyper ventilated soooo bad when FRED rubbed my shoulder and told me he was totally glad and appreciated the support. HEEEE. =) i know. i KNOWW. i am dying just thinking about it for the 10000th time today.
you excite my every cell.one thing about waking up at like 5.47am in the morning is that i have VERY NICE HAIR. haha its all swept to the right, and waves upwards abit. omg. photo moment. but i havent a camera. i hope it lasts til later, when i actually have someone to show. =)
anyways. yuup. i don't have any deep thoughts to drown in today. i might find some tomorrow and drone about them. but right now, i'm pretty much zonked. i actually have a craving to go sit by the beach with gelati. but seeing that it's probably 10 degrees outside anddd, its. oh-i-dont-know....5.47 AM! hahaa, let's reschedule.
when i said go, i never meant away.twisted taste: piriton. haa.=P not that you'd know what it is.
Mood music:run it-chris brown
*shy that way
Monday, March 13, 2006
there's one thing i can't do anything about
i'm under the assumption that i'm gonna be the one that's leaving you.i am a very excited person! hehe. TAKING BACK SUNDAY. omg, can i hyperventilate now pretty pleaaasee?
Did my film presentation prep today at JX's. Absolutely funny since we kept digressing and ended up watching comedy. It was a good way to stop feeling sorry for myself and overthinking about things that only upset me. It's bad for my face, my skin, my brain, my health andandand my happy high frequency.
come on, just say it. you need me like a bad habit.
are you ashamed to say what you want to?Rehearsals were allright today. i was extremely tired to start off but some of the hyperness and laughing must've rubbed off since i left in a much much cheerier mood. which is a very good thing. i usually have alot of fun when i go for rehearsals, the hard part is psyching myself up to go. it's succch a tough job. all that pysching up.
being happy makes me hungry. FOOD!=)
twisted taste: chicken makhani (is tt how you spell it?)
Mood music: THE TAKING BACK SUNDAY CD.
*shy that way
i think i'm still having a hangover from the lack of sleep. grr.
my eyes are puffy and i've got eyebags. yawwn.
but i've got my day planned away from hallucinating and being alone. thankgod.
so YAYYY!
fishie just wished me a happy start to the week.
ISN'T THAT SWEET.=)
no one wishes me that, or good night for that matter.
eeyerr. it's okay. =) i've always got my fish!
my brain isn't really having a straight train of thought..the synaspes are probably jammed. HAHA.okay, not funny.
allrighty. off to find some breakfast to satiate my hungerrr. m&ms just wont do.
twisted taste:nothing. but im hungry.
Mood music:nothing.i think it's raining outside
*shy that way
Sunday, March 12, 2006
i'm begging you, i'm begging you, to be my escape.my weakness is, i care too much.you can call if you find that you've got something to say.
i forgive you, for being away for far too long.nobody's gonna love me better, i'm going to stick with you forever
when you told me that you loved me, were those just words.ANYWHO.
i had fun yesterday.=) it was seriously fun to know that you got a fair balance of work and play. and it was awesome weather too. i don't really like going into bombastic words to describe how my day went because it's easier to say it simply. i enjoyed myself, truthfully&honestly.
twisted taste: super yum strawberries
Mood music: yo-chris brown
*shy that way
Friday, March 10, 2006
come on and talk to me now.
i'll stand by you.=)
i love you.
don't hold it all inside
come on and talk to me now
and even if you're gone
i'll stand by you.
and i'll never desert you.
anyways!
these are some photos...while you were away.
twisted taste: almond cookies
Mood music: i'll stand by you
*shy that way
Thursday, March 09, 2006
on my own
round we go, round again circles.so we put an end to it this time. i'm not longer yours and you're no longer mine.
im tired.
twisted taste: nothing
Mood music: greener with the scenery-the used
*shy that way
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
why should i care
i actually have NO words to describe how irritated i am. i don't even know why i'm so irritated. it's so typical-it's the same thing over and over again. i just never learn do i? at the point, it's all my fault. (ya la, ya la...)
pfft. coming to think of it, i'm not quite sure if it's irritation i feel or disappointment. what's the point of doing something nice then being a prick after that. prick prick, you're a priccckkk.
okok, i shan't rattle on anymore about the various ways i would just love to shoot you in the head.
what would you do, if you were me? would we be through?
i don't know what's left to talk about
but i find it hard to leave without some closure.
how could you want her when you were still with me?twisted taste:hmm... nothing.
Mood music: the difference-diana degarmo
*shy that way
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
in all honesty
Yes, i know. i've been trained to speak without any trace of singlish. and singlish is basically, not comprehendable here. but, right now. riggghtttt nowwwww.. TO HELL WITH IT LA.
WHY MUST YOU BE LIKE THAT ONE.
you're damn annoying lor.
wahlao eh.
sometimes i think you are such a bothersome pain.
ma de.
to hell with you la.
pfft. that felt good. now, back to english.=)
twisted taste: cadbury
Mood music: homeboy-jojo
*shy that way
clarity
it's all good.
*repeat til necessary. once moods begin to brighten, increase dosage-immediately.
okay today started off great. i met xiuhui at lab class and got to know jiaqian and roshni. i can't believe the girl i was emailing regarding tutorial swapping was the girl sitting NEXT TO ME. hah. talk about fate. i'm a believer of that.
anyways, mike came like, ONE HOUR after lab commenced. and i hung out with him after that. he's friends with deb and the rest of them. which was pretty much evidence of just how small the world really is huh. it's not like i minded feeling like a wallflower. i should be used to it by now right? it just feels like no matter what i say, it comes out sounding the worst possible way it could. i think it's one of tose bad weeks. where everything just loveessss going all wrong for you. yeah! awesome huh!=) it's good in a twisted way. coz then maybe my 'lets-have-a-bad-week' quota will be filled and it's all good from now. yeahyeah.
mike's friends were really nice though. totally hit it off with jackie. she's really nice, one of the people who bother talking-i really appreciated that. i didn't need one of those 'i could care less' people anymore. oh wells. it's just another day in the life of a girl with two left feet and a mouth that works faster than her brain.
on a brighter note: i think my cooking has improved.=)
eee.i miss mich and twishie and delle and josh. lunch was sooo much less stressful then.
twisted taste:yummo dinner.
Mood music:mai ya tang-jay zhou
*shy that way
Monday, March 06, 2006
what ruptures your spirit
i should've done something
but i've done enough.
gaaah. you'd think it was a conspiracy to see how much worse-r they can make your day. well, you win. hands down. are you happy now?
i sat on the tram with a whole bag full of sin. with a huge block of black forest cadbury in one hand, and the other picking at it, i managed to finish half a block during the journey. surprisingly, i don't feel the need to purge. i'm just glad that the theory of eating chocolate when you feel like utter shit, works. at least some people don't lie to you. and the chocolate's always gonna be there, they're never too busy getting wasted or 'not-feeling-like-it'.
it was a comforting walk back home today. the skies cleared for me-or so i'd like to think. the fluffy white ones were terribly low, as if you could touch them if you reached out far enough. but, i didn't want to look like a fool in front of the passing cars. it's bad enough being treated like one, let's not start looking like one. the dark sky was painted with stars. chocolate, nice scenery, cold winds...i feel alot better already. but then i reached home.
and in a moment, what took me 10 minutes to feel, disppeared in a second.
thanks.twisted taste:half a block of cadbury
Mood music:blue and yellow-the used
*shy that way
i've got a little somethin' for ya.
you don't get me.and you're not willing to take a chance.
it's not a little fucked up. it's worse than that.
you can call if you find that you have something to say.
but you never do anyway.
twisted taste:kaya toast
Mood music: you get me-michelle branch
*shy that way
Friday, March 03, 2006
you remind me of...
these are what you guys remind me of.
*tricia: lychee&lime gelati- because it's different, sounds a little weirrd but everyone loves lychee. that twist of lime makes it even better, just like you. the bad days, the good days, the good-er days. hehe.my special little fish.=)i can't wait to share a scoop of it with you! *bigfathug. and did you know that in lychee gelati, there are lychee bits, its so fun to eat them, just like a surprise. its pretty much like how you never fail to surprise me.
*mich: malteasers- it's something everyone knows and loves. it's dependable and it's always comforting. it's like the way you're always around when i need you and it's stress-free, judgement-free and care-free when im in your company.plus, the honeycomb centre...the extra spesh bit.=) you're a star!
*adelle: applecrumble with vanilla icecream- it's the dessert i remember my uncle making at all the family functions. that's what you are-my sister. a friend that's a little bit of evetyhing. it's served warm and cold. just like how we've been through all sorts of days together, including the thunderstorms. i couldn't have made it through the hothotheat days without you, and the coldlonelythunders.
*joshua: gummybears-simply because they're the one thing i turn to no matter what. today i went shopping and i had a pack of it in my bag. you're always in my heart no matter where i go. and, when i'm cramming biology into my head, the thing i reach for is that bag of gummys. thanks for always being there. it's more than anyone could ask for.
*ryan: american carrot cake- to bake this cake, it takes tons of effort, to grate the carrots and make the icing. just like how it took extra effort to talk to you coz you're soooo quiet. but no one's complaining, coz the cake never fails to impress. and also,really, simply because...i love american carrot cake, on any given day 'cause it reminds me of home, somehow. *hugg
*nisa (the bestie): brownies-duh, coz every single time i bake them, i think of you. how the brownies we made were special-er. just because. i love you bestie, just like how i love brownies, the chewy kinds with the crip outsides. just like you. all tough and strong but! we all know how a goofy smile gets you weak in the knees. oh yes, we know...BRING ON THE VANILLA ICECREAM!
*clara: jell-o -coz it's the one thing that never fails to make me feel like i haven't a care in the world and i'm a kid all over again. it's pretty much the way i feel when we hang out since it's always smile-y.don't need to pretend or sit properly (hurhur). just you, me and...junkfood.=)
*sean aka stable boy: chocolate bread-bread, like you, needs to work hard. it's got to be kneaded and kneaded. just like how you exercise sooooo much. but you're specialer than just plain bread. you've got chocolate! hehe, coz you're supersweet to me. making me feel like a princess! whoopdeedoo. and always making me laugh. it's a nice feeling.
well... the heat is getting to my brain..so i'll finish this up soon.=) til then.
this provides proof of how much i actually think of food. it's pretty much how often a guy thinks about.. hmm. YEAH. tooodles!
twisted taste: superdooper yummy grapes
Mood music: where'd you go-fort minor
*shy that way
Thursday, March 02, 2006
my beautiful life
just when you thought things were fine and sweet as candy, happy and dandy, you bring them alllll down. broken lollipops and cracked sweets.
who's keeping score anyway?the only thing certain is everything changes.there's always tomorrow. i just wish i'd stop wishing for tomorrow and for once, thankgod for today,
for right now.
i dreamt of you last night.funny, you left halfway again, leaving me behind.
and no, i'm not lying. i mean it.twisted taste:nothing
Mood music: la bella vita-lindsay lohan
*shy that way
